Witty Thief

Court scene of a thief and suspect

A long time ago, in a Dutch village, a young boy was sentenced to death for stealing a few gold coins from a wealthy philosopher. 

The local judge ordered a death sentence to set an example to everyone in the village. 

The philosopher however makes a deal with the judge – the boy can be spared if he can save his own life. 

As he is brought out of his cell and taken to the prison forecourt he sees a set of gallows with a hanging rope to his left and a firing squad to his right. 

The boy is told by the chief executioner: “If you tell a lie, we will hang you and if you tell the truth, we will shoot you“.

What did the boy say to save himself?

The boy said said “You will hang me” 

The chief executioner said if you tell a lie we will hang you – they couldn’t hang him since that would then be him telling the truth!

False Suicide

Detectives are called to a murder scene in a leafy suburb of north London. 

Officers are already on scene but no-one has entered the house yet. 

They enter, walk up the stairs and see a dead body lying on the floor next to a chair, face up. On the desk they find an old tape recorder. 

They press play. 

They hear a man’s voice saying ‘It’s too much, there’s too much to deal with. I can’t do it any more” followed by a gunshot. 

Immediately the detectives knew that the man had been murdered, and hadn’t committed suicide. 


The detectives pressed play on the cassette recorder and immediately heard the man saying this which means someone – the murderer – must have rewound the tape to the beginning!

The Unusual Alibi

Police officer asking possible suspects

An elderly actress and socialite, Eva Daphne, was found murdered in her home on the first Sunday in August. 

The police are called and question the woman’s  large household staff who all provide different alibis:

  • The husband was on the phone to their daughter
  • the butler was polishing the silverware
  • the gardener was cutting the grass
  • the maid was fetching the post
  • the cook was preparing breakfast 

The police straight away arrest the murderer. How did they know who it was?

The police arrested the maid – there’s no post on Sundays so she gave a false alibi.

The Train Travel

A train residing in a metro station

One train leaves from Gard du Nord in Paris, heading to London and travels at a constant speed of 100 miles per hour. 

Exactly half an hour later, a train leaves from London travelling at half the speed. 

The distance between Paris and London is 200 miles – when the trains meet, which one of them will be closer to Paris?

Answer? When the trains meet – they will be exactly the same distance from Paris!

Vague Emperor

King discussing about women

An ancient Incan Emperor – Emperor Atapanci – was so fond of his daughters and loved them so much that he was worried about the number of men who would want to marry them. 

He decided his empire would be better with more girls than boys. So he ordered that all couples must continue to have children until they had a daughter. 

However – he wanted to avoid overpopulation in his empire. So he also ordered that everyone must stop having children once they have a daughter. 

Whilst everyone in the empire was a little bemused, (to say the least!) they immediately followed the orders, and continued to do so for a long time. 

If everyone continued following the orders for 500 years, what is the expected girl to boy ratio in this Empire?

The answer is still 1:1 since there’s an equal chance of a couple having a boy or a girl despite Emperor Atapanci’s orders. 

You might think there would be more girls, but suppose there are an infinite number of couples – the likelihood is half of them would have a girl (and stop). 

Half of the other half will have two children (one boy and one girl) 

and then half of the remaining quarter will have three children (two boys and one girl) and so on and so on,

meaning that the ratio is still…1:1

Prison Soldier

A fire wreck city after a fierce battle

A soldier is captured by ISIS in the Afghan desert after a fierce firefight. 

He is put in a cell with four walls and the sand as floor. 

He knows that he will be killed unless he can escape but the window is too high for him to reach, even if he jumped as high as he could. 

He doesn’t have much on him – a magnifying glass, cooking tin and a water bottle. 

How does the soldier escape?

The soldier can use his cooking tin to shovel the sand underneath the window so that he can climb on it and reach the window.

The Slow Horse

Two person having conversation in a graveyard

A short while ago, a Scottish nobleman died, leaving behind two twin sons. 

Since he could not decide which son to give his estate to, he instructed them to race their horses for the inheritance.

However, there was a catch – whoever had the slower horse would win

So the two sons, began to race – but each of them was holding their horse back in order to be the slowest. 

The race was abandoned and they tried again but still faced the same problem – neither of them wanted to win!

The twins decided to go to their mother for some advice – and straight after held another race – which this time they completed. 

What did their mother say?

The mother advised them to swap horses for the race – that way whoever won the race would technically own the slower horse!

Leave a Reply